and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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