omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will be naked everywhere
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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