What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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