My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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