Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
