Will you blow on my dice?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
