Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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