Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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