Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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