I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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