She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
