I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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