I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drake has all the answers
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
