P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
