I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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