If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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