I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize