STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
