I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
love makes seman taste better
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
