How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
