You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
