do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
