Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
