Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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