maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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