I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
