the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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