super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
