i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
