nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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