you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
