Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
