When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
