dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
