Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
