There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
