There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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