i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
