I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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