Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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