All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
