jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
