I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am midnight drunk by noon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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