Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sarcasm needs its own font
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
