u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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