thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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