YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
