Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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