Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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