I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
