I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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