and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
