My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
