Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
