Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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