we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
