you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
