Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
