i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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