She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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