I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
