Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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