This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
