thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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