Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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