There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
