Your dad touched me again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
