I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
