She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
