I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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