hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
