Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
