I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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