yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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