Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
