my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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