apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
